By Austin Carter – not for release. First Draft awaiting approval by the federal Department of Information. Comments in italics.
The crowd of approximately 43 100,000 had gathered at the park surrounding the capitol in Sacramento to hear President/Senator Harrison Cameltow and Vice President/Congressgirl Alexandria Occassional-Cortex give their first public speech outside of Washington DAD – District of Angela Davis since being sworn in for the fourth term. With the popular music act Relative Truth playing their hit that has become the unofficial new national anthem “Subsume to the Hive” it was a mostly festive gathering.
The audience was full of supporters who identified as voters under the new constitution; althought the mix of 27 languages being translated simultaniously made it difficult to fully comprehend the content of the address being made. Cameltow thanked those present the multitude for being green and walking to the gathering. “I identify!,” said an almost giddy Occassional-Cortex, “Twenty-eight years ago in 2019 we thought we only had 12 more years to live. But thanks to your participation in the Green Deal here it is, I think 40-years later? many of us are still alive.” She added, “I’m You’re not good at math.”
Since the new constitution was enacted by those who identified as Green Dealers in 2032 the carbon based economy has changed radically as have the laws in the United States Diversified States.
“No longer is the environment being polluted by greedy, corporate, big agriculture,” said Cameltow. “One of the first acts we passed when taking office was to turn over control of big ag to the Natural Resources Defense Council. The savings to the nation’s taxpayers by folding the Department of Agriculture along with the Department of Interior into the federal Department of Food Policy and outsourcing to NGOs has been a boon to both social and ecological justice. All the shameful landholdings above 20-acres are now being managed in a green friendly manner by the NRDC and its comrades partners. [Not yet it’s still too soon for this term.] The remaining family farms of 20-acres or less are now community farms; many hemp and marijuana based. And just look at how much weight we’ve lost as a nation.”
“I want to shout out to my brothers, sisters and non-gender defined comrades partners [Again, too soon.] in the Nation of Aztlan,” said Occasional-Cortex. “We realize there are still jurisdictional disputes over some parts of California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas. But we, the Diversified States are working with the proud people of the Mexican Government of Cartels to ensure your homeland will be respected. We mean no micro-aggression.”
Following the rally an impromptu press conference was held outside Northern California Governor David Hogg’s office. Hogg refused to participate on the grounds that many of the reporters in attendance are “. . . older than me. The F*ers don’t even know how to send an I-message.”
The first question came from MSNBCNN’s Bernie Winkerfopp who asked, “President Cameltow now that Chief Justice Elizabeth Warren identifies as white, native American, Latino and Chinese do you still believe it necessary to appoint more members to the Supreme Court for diversity’s sake? Also thank you for the wonderful opportunity of addressing you.” Perhaps a bit over the top sycophancy wise?
Cameltow replied, “I think you’re missing the point Bernie. I identify as both President and Senator.” “I identify also,” added Occasional-Cortex. “I identify with all my comrades [go ahead and let her have it. That’s what they voted for after all] and thanks to the Green Deal, same sex marriage and pro choice birth control there is negative population growth. Someday we won’t even have to worry about leaving the planet to our children.”
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