By Don Wright
A while ago in the mid-2000s, when I first surrendered to Jesus, another way of saying I became a Christian, I ran into a dark patch full of buzz saws. As I stepped into the light there was still darkness to deal with. Although I changed the places and routines I’d lived for in some cases decades; some of the people I was deeply involved with before the conversion were too close to jettison. Some of them depended on me, some of them I had made vows to God to care for and these were the ones who found it very difficult that I no longer was willing to partake of the deeds and actions we used to revel in.
I’d read Matthew 7:7-8, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.”
Just out of high school I discovered Kenneth Copeland and the so-called prosperity gospel. Ask and it shall be given you – if you have enough faith. How do you develop faith? By giving, specifically money to Kenneth Copeland, then all this shall be added unto you. Copeland’s twisted theology has harmed untold numbers of people and after trying to follow his fruitless version of faith for a year or so – I gave up on what I thought was Christianity.
Looking back, I know I’ve had a savior all my life. Jesus saved me until I was broken enough times to accept Him as my Lord. Now I have a Lord and Savior. Many days I must admit, mostly savior as I try to reclaim the throne and set His lordship aside. Yet, He is faithful to me.
I don’t understand God but I believe in Him as the creator of all things, most of which is beyond my finite capabilities to understand. I don’t pretend to understand God the infinite King of all. But I know what a man is. I am one. I know many men. That’s a concept I can grasp. So, God came to earth as Jesus, a man, but also God.
But how can a man be God as well? Duality comes to mind. We can be a citizen of California and a citizen of the United States. All be it imperfect I can look at myself and others see more than one, in fact I can see three; spirit, soul and body. We exist in time. It’s always the present but there is a past and a future. We exist in space; height, width and length. And the big one – Father, Son and Holy Spirit. We don’t have to fully understand something to believe.
While existing in this current version of our corporeal experience we’re not going to fully grasp and understand anything. But, God has certainly allowed us some understanding and encourages us to expand it.
So, back to when I first became a Christian and one of the first big deals of trying to walk the walk crashed in on me. I saw no way to move in any direction. I had no clue of how to move forward and I knew I couldn’t go back to how it was before. I was so frozen and lost as to what to do. I couldn’t trust myself. Decades of wrong living had proven beyond a doubt if I take the wheel we’re running into a ditch. (Again, I had a Savior who prevented me from running into an abyss and perishing.)
I prayed and prayed. I’d often thought I’d heard the still small voice, and maybe a time or two I had, but I think it was mostly echoes of my desires I was hearing.
This time was different. I will never forget the answer to my prayer. “Trust Me,” I was told.
Before writing this Praying For Rain piece I searched for scripture where the Bible stated God said trust me. I didn’t find any. Not one. Many, many scriptures where the Biblical authors instructs us to trust God. A little more digging and I found many verses where God or his angels said for us to fear not. Using the understanding I’ve been given and testing the spirit through scripture I do believe Trust Me was God’s answer to my prayer.
Often the right thing isn’t the easy thing to do. Often the best path is the most frightening. I think of the time I was a young child standing on the edge of the pool with my father in chest high water. Chest high deep for him was way over my head and I was scared. Dad said, “Jump, I’ve got you.” I didn’t want to jump but I did and I was saved.
Way more than I want to admit I’m still scared. My father has since passed on and I can swim but there are still some roiling waters or even still waters with who knows what swimming in them I won’t jump into. I have enough understanding to not do a swan dive into Niagara Falls or go dipping into a swamp full of alligators and water moccasins. Thank you, Lord, for giving me that.
Staying in the water metaphor – there are times we don’t know how thick the ice is or if there is a bridge downstream but we must get across. Trust me He said. He didn’t tell if the ice would support me or if there was a bridge I could get to.
I wish He would sometimes spell it out for me. But I have to trust Him while in my ignorance and weakness. And it is a very good thing to have the Creator and King of the Universe invite me to trust Him.
