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Special April 1, 2020 Odds & Ends Report*

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By Mitch Reblog

DWR sends comment letter to themselves about subsidence

The California Department of Water Resources has submitted a comment letter to themselves during their GSP public comment period which closes later this spring.  Echoing the correspondence DWR sent directly to GSAs earlier this year, the letter discusses their concern with subsidence along the CA Aqueduct, and particularly in the Lost Hills area.  “We are aware there is no agricultural pumping in the Lost Hills area, but we believe that agriculture is conclusively to blame for the subsidence,” a DWR official stated. “We wanted to send ourselves a letter lest we allow science to distract us from the conclusions we reached late last year.”

NGOs: farmers responsible for coronavirus, GSAs obligated to find a cure

NGOs are also making their voices heard regarding the GSPs.  The Justice Counsel for Water Accountability, along with the Community Leadership Center, submitted joint comments to DWR claiming most GSPs are severely deficient.  Per the letter, “Farmers are the cause of all known problems occurring in the Central Valley, especially problems in Disadvantaged Communities; therefore, it stands to reason they are to blame for all COVID-19 cases we have here.”  The letter then concludes, “Furthermore, SGMA clearly mandates GSAs to solve all known problems in the Valley, regardless of other regulatory frameworks that may be in place.  All GSPs should have a plan for developing a cure and eradicating the virus in our DACs.  For any GSP that does not address COVID-19, we ask you to find it incomplete.”

AOC: Make America Mediocre Again (MAMA)

Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has developed an alternative to the MAGA movement: Make America Mediocre Again or “MAMA.”  “The MAGA movement is absolutely disgusting to me,” says AOC, “just how do you think it makes people feel who aren’t ‘great’? In fact, the word ‘Great’ is actually a racist slur against anyone who isn’t great.” She continued, “for years as Americans we’ve been told to better ourselves, to pursue the American dream.  Well it’s time we pursue mediocrity, worsen ourselves, push the dream aside, and fall in line with the rest of the world.”  When asked if she was available for questions she just started chanting “MAMA, MAMA…”

Newsome announces plans to release all inmates from State prisons

In the midst of a global COVID-19 pandemic, Governor Gavin Newsome plans to pardon and release all inmates from California prisons.  “Frankly, COVID-19 has been an inconvenient distraction from my true passion, which is letting people out of jail.  But there is never a better time than the present to act,” Newsome said in a press briefing.  “This is 21st century criminal justice.  California has led the nation for the most people released from prison, but we needed to do more.  Nobody should be in prison for any reason, whatsoever.  It’s just not fair.”  When asked if he considered whether his plan is legal, he responded. “I didn’t give it a single thought.  I am just going to do it, whether you like it or not.  In fact, the State of California will be suing the Federal Government, seeking the release of all inmates in Federal prisons as well.”

DISCLAIMER OF RESPONSIBILITY; Waterwrights strives to provide his clients with the most complete, up-to-date, and accurate information available. Nevertheless, Waterwrights does not serve as a guarantor of the accuracy or completeness of the information provided, and specifically disclaims any and all responsibility for information that is not accurate, up-to-date, or complete, especially this stuff. Hopefully readers will spot this as satire without having to read the fine print. The opinions expressed in this report are those of the author and do not represent any advertisers or third parties.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.  Copyright 2020

*Publisher’s note. Mitch Reblog is the pen name of a first time contributor who wishes to remain anonymous. Each year WaterWrights tries to mix it up a little with some satire on April 1st. We started planning a take on the Sports Illustrated swimsuit at the first of the year. The concept included certain public officials lounging about the beach in hazmat suits. With the event of the Coronavirus to carry that out seemed unseemly. Reblog to the rescue and we thank him or her for their contribution.

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